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[ Submit a Balki quote | The Balki Page ]
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"I don't deserve a driver's lisence. I don't even deserve a
library card." |
Baby, You Can Drive My Car |
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Balki: "Cousin... I can't feel my arm!" Larry: "Are you sure? I can feel it." |
Tooth or Consequences |
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Larry: "I think we overdid it at the club." Balki: "Yes... Or, you threw me out the window." |
Hunks Like Us |
| All right, fine. You've made your cake, now lie in it. |
Just Deserts |
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"Well, I guess Princess Di is cast." |
Night School Confidential |
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"We are lean cuisine, fighting machines." |
Karate Kids |
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Gina: Do you think it would be ok with Larry? Balki: Well of course it would don't be ridiculous. Do we have to tell him? |
Hello Baby |
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When Larry, Jennifer, Balki, and Mary Anne, along with there
boss were up in a cabin. You know...the one where that Big escape convict was loose. Anyhow. I don't remember it just how it was but it was something like this: Balki: Now we can play....BINGI BINGI!!! |
Eyewitless Reports |
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Larry: "I'm neurotic."
Balki: "Noooooo!" Larry: "Yes.." Balki: "Cosin...you are NOT erotic!" |
????? |
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"Well bang my bongos and call me Desi"
"America- Land of the Free and Home of the Whopper" |
? |
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"If you don't make the bibibobkas the traditional Myposian
way, the bibi in the bobka goes BOOM'" |
Just Deserts |
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"Cousin, it's time to talk about the hard facts. It's time
to talk about the wrath of the Gabuggies." |
Good Skates |
| "They examined your head and found nothing." |
Speak, Memory |
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(At the bowling alley) "This ball's no good it's got
holes in it" |
Blind Alley |
| "Nobody takes money out of my mother's mouth." |
Assertive Trianing |
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"Well, rope my feet and call me Dodi!" |
don't remember exactly |
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After Larry explains to balki how he had the chance to become rich and get the girl of his dreams, if not for a business deal gone bad, Balki: "You mean, Bunky and Brin are basking in the boosom of Braswell's big bucks? Larry: Basically, But!...if i had Bunky's bervado, I'd be the one basking the the boosom of those big bucks, buddy! Balki: bummer! |
The Sunshine Boys |
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Lydia, suffering from a case of stage fright, knocks on the door in the wee house of the morning, in panic, and Balki replies, "Oh, come in miss Lydia, and you tell us all about it, you tell you Uncle Balki, and your Uncle Cousin!" |
Almost Live from Chicago |
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"I have my thinking cap pulled way down over my ears!" |
EPISODE |
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Upon Larry's confession that he used Balki's Myposian formula to win a football pool and submitted it to a football bookie, Balki eventually explains, "In Mypos, they have a bookie named JIMMIE THE GEEK; and if you don't pay him, he shaves your head and calls you "baldy" in front of your mother!" |
Everybody in the Pool |
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1.)(episode not reemembered)
"dont call us, we'll call us! 2.)In the episode where Balki presided as judge over Larry's guilt or innocence over stealing office supplies, (Here Comes the Judge) balki asked, "Cousin Larry Appleton...how do you please? |
(not remembered) |
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1.)"Well, of course not, don't be rediculous!" 2.)"Where do I come up with them?" 3.)"well, I'll be snookered!" 4.)"Oh, go on with you!" 5.)"Oohhh, poh-poh!" 6.)"Now we are so happy, we do the DANCE OF JOY!" |
Various |
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This is a Larry and Balki quote that's as common as Homer Simpson's "D'Oh!" Larry: I have......!! Balki: Oh, God. Larry: A plan!! |
Many |
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This is from memory. Sory, I don't remember the episode Larry; Well, the worst they can do is incarcerate us. Balki: NO, COUSIN, I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET ON FIRE!! Larry: No, no. Not In-CIN-erated. In-CAR-cerated. Arrested. |
Pros and Cons |
| Its not I am a halloween, its I am a Hallow Weed. |
Stress Test |
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I am a Halloween. That's what Balki kept saying in order to try to calm Larry down when they were taking the stress test. But what Larry was really supposed to say was, "I am a hollow reed." |
Stress Test |
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The itsy bitsy scorpian crawled up inside my shirt. I smashed his little head in and threw him in the dirt. When his legs stopped wiggling I threw him in my stew. Cuz I like crunchy insects with pinchers on don't you? (sung to the tune of The Itsy Bitsy Spider) Balki sung it to the babies in the last episode I think. |
Up, Up and Away |
| "Patience is a virgin..." |
??? Too young to know the titles.... |
| "Well toss my greens and call me Ceaser." |
Up, Up, and Away II |
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When Balki is in negotiations for a Myposian business deal, the following song must be performed for good luck: Hey biggi, ungi oh ka niggi, hongi, fongi, longi, bongi, iggy wiggi, oh yeah, hongy bongy, hongy bongy, hongy bongy, hongy bongy....the true fans will know the rest! |
The Selling of Mypos |
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When Balki is in negotiations for a Myposian business
deal, the following song must be performed for good luck: Hey biggi, ungi oh ka niggi, hongi, fongi, longi, bongi, iggy wiggi, oh yeah, hongy bongy, hongy bongy, hongy bongy, hongy bongy....the true fans will know the rest! |
The Selling of Mypos |
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Larry: Balki, there's a part of the plan I didn't tell you
about. Balki: Nothing good can follow that sentence.
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This Old House |
| "BEESTICKI FEESTICKI!!! Oops, excuse my Myposian." |
The Break Up |
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Balki: I want you promise me that you will never gamble illegally again. Larry: I promise, I will never, ever gamble illegally agian. Balki: And you promise that you will take Balki to Disney World. Larry: And I promise I will.. Balki. Balki: Sorry, it was worth a shot.
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Everybody in the Pool |
| "Cousin, you didn't tell me we were fighting for life, puberty and the persuit of happieness." |
Prose and Cons |
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Larry(reading poem): Take five steps east,
please be marticulous. Balki: Well of course we will, don't be ridiculous. |
Poetry in Motion |
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(Larry, Balki, and Jennifer are in a balloon) "Come on Cousin, we're not teathered to mother earth but we're commuting with father sky. The wind, the air, that plane, DUCK!" |
Up, Up and Away II |
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"Well you know what they say, a bird in the hand will keep
pecking, and pecking, and pecking, until your hand starts to bleed." |
Disorderly Orderlies |
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Balki: Cousin, would you be my negociating advisor?
Larry: I'd be honored Balki: There's a ceremony Larry: I'd rather pass on that. Is it really necessary? Balki: It's manditory Larry: Okay, let's get the humiliation over with Balki: Cousin Larry Appleton, you are my official negociating advisor Larry: That's it? Balki: That's it, got any advise? |
The Selling of Mypos |
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MY MOTHER SAID NOT TO DO THE DANCE OF JOY ALONE OR I WILL GO
BLIND |
EPISODE:UNKNOWN |
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Larry: No, Balki. It's too ridiculous Balki: All right then, do be ridiculous!
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Call Me Indestructible |
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Balki: Cousin, look! A toaster! I just wouldn't be
Friday without toast! Larry: Balki, that's not a toaster, that's a radio.
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Eyewitless Reports |
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Balki: "The trute must be served"
Larry: "Can't you serve it later?" Balki: "No, it's getting cold." |
the one where they play polo.... |
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Balki: "The trute must be served"
Larry: "Can't you serve it later?" Balki: "No, it's getting cold." |
the one where they play polo.... |
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joe mc nulty: "you're not safe at home until you
call SAFE AT HOME." balki: " and you're not fully clean until you're zest fully clean!" and if you look at larry closely when balki says this, he is struggling to keep his composure... |
safe at home |
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"you never know when someone from the island
of kleptos will sneak over... maniacs." |
safe at home |
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Balki is asked to sign his name , and he starts signing it
with the hands. Nex time the guy sas, take this pen and sign your name, Balki taks the pen , puts it in the poket and starts signing with the hands> |
booo.... |
| (My favorite) - "Well, of course not, don't be ridiculous!" |
(He says it in almost every episode!) |
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(Larry tells Balki that he doesn't need to be served
anymore) "But Cousin, that means I failed, and I would be... a nipulosolope!" |
Lifesavers |
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"Oh, oh. I have a good joke. I just got back from L.A. and
boy are my arms tired! That wasn't write!" |
Everybody in the Pool |
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BALKI: Cousin, did Stephen King ever write anything about a
piano? I love that one! |
Piano Movers |
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(Larry is on Balki's back as Balki is running down the
stairs from the piano) LARRY: Faster, faster! BALKI: Or perhaps you'd like to get off and wait for the next Mypiot! |
Piano Movers |
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BALKI: Who wants more of Balki's train mix. Right off the
trail. JENNIFER: I do. These are delicious. What do you call these nut like things? BALKI: Nuts. |
Up a Lazy River |
Quotes submitted: 54